President Bush : How Do You Think That Went ?

Original Artwork Courtesy of Stephen Pitt -

Original Artwork Courtesy of Stephen Pitt -

Mr. Bush narrated to the American public,  a tale that the most daring science-fiction writer would not have attempted

Today, President George Bush presided over one of the most peculiar press conferences in modern history.  It was a queer presser under any circumstances, yet it appears the President was not performing under duress, even as he struggled with simple sentences and fundamental concepts, but rather was enthusiastic about speaking very publicly about subjects he has little understanding.  It required nerves of steel and passive restraints to not fly out of one’s chair as the President struggled to explain to the American public about the psychology of world diplomacy and currency valuation of petro-dollars.

In what seemed like hours, George Bush, unwittingly, made the case for stem cell research and elder care as he stumbled through answers to reporters questions.  In his widely imitable style, he punctuated sentences with his trademarked smirk and head bobbing, lending a tropical-punk-avian air to the televised mass sedative.  On our quiet residential street in the City of San Jose, windows ajar as the cool morning fog was lifting from Silicon Valley; one could actually hear yelps and stifled screams of citizens in their homes with the frequency and ferocity of a battery of waves against nearby Pacific coastline.

Highlights included his mis-understanding and voo-doo description of the psychological impact of domestic

Original Artwork Courtesy of Stephen Pitt

Original Artwork Courtesy of Stephen Pitt

oil drilling.  Despite the natural and logical anticipated market response, that is to say that oil prices would likely double from here, Mr. Bush narrated to the American public,  a tale that the most daring science-fiction writer would not have attempted, removing all the circumstantial concern and redefining the implied threat to the supply.  In other words, how does one get from here to there (approximately 18 years) without getting exponentially hammered by the purveyors of the existing ready oil supply?

Then he responded to questions regarding the FDIC seizure of Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae and the privately held Indy Mac banks.  In an otherwise alarming series of facial expressions and shoulder ticks, President Bush stumbled through an explanation of the FDIC coverage, which was not quite accurate, while dodging a question about socializing losses to taxpayers.  Then he repeated the answer three times as though it were part of the same explanation and new information was included each time he repeated himself.  It did not require careful observation to realize the President was simply repeating almost verbatim, the same words three times.  Had there been no audio on the television, it would have appeared there was considerable detail in his answer.  Sadly, the sound was working perfectly as Mr. Bush very poorly explained FDIC’s role in insuring deposits up to $100K, while he managed to insult most sentient life with his assault on the English language.

As though the President had been making an appeal to Bush impersonators around the world,  George Bush reprieved some of his famous gaffes that sent one imagining themselves listening to a CD infomercial with a running scroll of the artists most memorable numbers:

  1. Magic Wand (Don’t Have One or I’d Wave It)
  2. Oil Reshjerves
  3. Let Me Exshplain It to the Amercanjs Who Don’t Undershtand
  4. Heh-heh
  5. Heh-heh-heh
  6. The Democrats Aren’t Responsible
  7. The Democrats Aren’t Doin’ Their Job
  8. The Conomy is Stronger Than You Think
  9. We’re Exshporting More Goods (Don’t Ashk Me More Than What)
  10. I Exshpected the Bill on My Desk (Now They’ll Get Detention)
  11. Heh-heh-heh-heh (Phhhmmp Phhmmp)


The only good news after today’s press conference was the confirmation that the collective American spirit is resillient and in tact – even after the abuses of our cerebrically diminutive leader.  The simple fact that millions of Americans will be heading to voting booths, a few short months away has apparently quelled the more visceral response of running on the White House in the same manner in which many ran on Indy Mac.  Most incredibly, the scene was devoid of ambulances or white coated attendants at the close of the press conference and reporters appeared to be a large gathering posing for a portrait, if not for the slow, sullen and side-ways head shaking that could be noticed upon closer examination.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. Hey it’s about time you wrote a new article. Great stuff – I had a good laugh after a awful cry this morning.

    Obama O’Eight

  2. “tropical-punk-avian air” LMAO
    Is that akin to what appear to be 747 skid marks down the back of your attends?
    Very funny Binx

    Sadly so many around me seem to be asleep to that fact that while Our Man G skipped public speaking class in lieu of trying to decipher the alien code LSMFT off his stolen pack of smokes, in the last eight years thousands of real human beings and their families have been wiped off the face of the earth based on a complete and utter deceit – or call it legacy mongering. Now I am stuck in a suburb with a 60 mile commute with 180% increase in fuel and basic living costs, and with 720 credit cannot get a loan nor would I want to as the value of life here has degraded so substantially I would lose my life investment. Lot’s of research to develop smart bombs for the next fakeo war but meanwhile alternative energy and treatments/cures for society aillments go unfunded (sorry dad – we were too late to save you.
    Hey Ace – mission freakin accomplished!!

  3. Неплохо.

    Translated from Russian: Good

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: